help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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