my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize