what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
