You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
