oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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