I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize