My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
