I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
