You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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