Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
