it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
