seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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