This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
