weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
