maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
