I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
how drunk are you?
Several
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
