I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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