ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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