Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
