Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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