that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
