Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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