her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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