Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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