he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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