I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
