Even water is tasting like jack daniels
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
