I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
