Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
