You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
