Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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