when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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