hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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