well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
