Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's official drugs can't kill me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
