he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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