dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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