Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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