This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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