You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have tasted many bathrooms
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
