Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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