Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
