Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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