I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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