I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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