I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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