You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
