flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
