did you get engaged???
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
