Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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