I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
