dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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