i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
