It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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