I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
