so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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