I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My penis needs a shock collar
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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