Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
