Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
