I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
