Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
