filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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