i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
