I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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