"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
