Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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