so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
