you lied. pity sex is amazing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
