Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
