rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
