help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
