Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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