; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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